This recipe requires absolutely no skill in the kitchen. For real. I’d almost call it foolproof, but my husband actually messed this up the first time he made it. I’m going to put the warnings in red so you know I’m serious. Because red is serious.

If you stick to the script and follow these instructions, you will soon be swimming in sweet, caramel gooiness for days. Cut up some apples for dipping. Nom nom nom.

Instructions:

Buy a can of sweetened, condensed milk. They’re in the baking aisle of your local supermarket. Be careful not to buy evaporated milk.

Peel off the label. It doesn’t have to be pretty. Just try to get most of it off. (Wait until you get home to peel off the label. Stores don’t usually take kindly to people defacing their products on the shelves.)

Put a good-sized pot of water on the stove and set it to boil. Don’t use a small pot. Get out the stock pot for this one.

Submerge the can of milk into the water and leave it there for 3 hours. Keep the water at rolling boil.

Important: You must replenish the water as needed. DO NOT LET THE POT BOIL DRY. (See? Serious.)

After 3 hours, shut off the stove.

Using tongs and potholders, remove the scalding hot can of milk from the boiling water. DO NOT TOUCH IT. (More seriousness.)

Carry that sumbitch outside and set it on the porch or the deck – somewhere your pet or child or passerby won’t try to touch it. If you do not have a porch or outdoor area, just play the ball where it lays – leave the can in the water, and let the whole thing cool down to room temp. Then put the can in the fridge til morning.

Leave it there overnight. I’m not kidding.

Note: If you try to puncture the can to get at the dulce de leche before it is cooled, the can will explode and boiling hot caramel will fly all over your kitchen and burn your hands and ruin your wife’s really nice bag that was handmade for her by a friend in Ecuador. So don’t do that. Have patience.

Slice up some apples, and dip into the creamy goodness. Enjoy!

**No handbags were harmed in the typing of this recipe.**